Remote resistance.

August 8th, 2006

"Now we know that the world after you is not enough"...
This is how i feel... this poem addresses Beirut and i have heard it too many times when there "was war"; when i was 13.

i spoke to the only childhood friend i am still in touch with yesterday.
i have very little friends left after this war.
I seem to be "unecessarily provoking" people; so i decided to stop because I understand they would want to burry their guilt under layers of denial...

she is now pregnant. Before the war, she was running around everyday buying things for her child to come.. and now she said to me: the whole day passes sometimes and i forget he is coming soon...

noone deserves to have his happiness turned to emptiness...
Reversed wombs... this war is all about reversed wombs; emptying children ...emptying hope...

i used to meet with this girl and another friend of ours, each time in a different house, and we used to produce pamphlets that we wrote with our hands, hundreds of them...
pamphlets to incite people to resist; those were the days where the syrians were occupying Lebanon. Those were the days where we had an innocent dream.
We were only sixteen back then; we used to go off late at night and then at dawn behind our parents' backs for they did not need to know their precious girls were in "the resistance".. and we used to distribute these words, over entire areas... walking to get there...

we got caught many times; there were many times we had to run for our cover...
these words were not as worthy as we thought; they did not free Lebanon.
Yet, we felt different from the rest; we felt we were trying to do a small change with our small hands; that if a hundred persons read us, one at least would feel something, or would know that someone cares...

Later on, there was the cedars revolution and 2 million persons went down on the streets.. i don't think it was the pamphlets...they were all different.
i know today it was just a small awakening before another long sleep.

i know there are many Lebanese who share my vacuum.
i know there are many people who are making a change and fighting this nothingness...

i just wanted to say to my friend that it is people like her and her child to come who will make the world enough for all of us after this...
these small children are our resistance... and i hope they will never have to write pamphlets in their lives...