We are all hizbollah...

A brilliant man who refused to get on a ship once noticed that in Arabic, if you invert the dot under one of the vowels in Hizbollah, you would get "Hiznollah"… the sadness of God.

We are all today Hizbollah.
There is no party of God, it is the sadness of God that has fallen on us.

I, a Maronite Christian born and raised in a Christian area, living abroad for two years and doing a master’s in Human rights and democratization in Europe, a master’s funded by the European Union, declare today I am a hizbollah too.

I am ashamed of finishing my thesis, ashamed of getting a diploma mentioning “democratization”, for it is this called democratization that is now killing my people.
If I am embargoed today, kept from finishing my thesis and going to defend it, it is in the name of democratization.

I have lost faith in every single covenant, every single declaration.

The Israeli ambassador to the UN spoke of “democratization” the other day.
I since decided I was better off burning my books and my covenants and joining a resistance, that whether right or wrong, whether in my cause of others’, is actually standing for oppression and injustice in a world where no one ever does.

I am ashamed of our Maronite Patriarch who goes to visit Rice and to beg for forgiveness for a country that never kneeled, a country populated by politicians that do nothing but kneel. I am ashamed of a maronite Patriarch that acts like a crusader and distinguishes “his” people from the rest of the Lebanese.

We are all one; today, we are all Hizbollah.

I condemn the killing of civilians in Israel as much as on our land.
Why does not anyone condamn the killing of our children, our civilians, the two journalists that died so far? are they all hizbollah?
We have become, baptised by bombs and blood.

The bombs that know no civilian, the bombs that target children and mothers on fleeing buses, the bombs that target civilians all over the country, Shiia, sunnis, Christian, druzes, these bombs are what we share.

Thank god for the bombs; they are the only thing that brings us together.

Is this insanity we are facing?
Am I a puppet in a crazy game that knows no mercy and acts on parallaxes.

I see on CNN that Lebanon apparently started a war on Israel; The Israeli minister of Health goes on TV and announces more than a thousand casualties: apparently victims of what he calls “acute stress”.

Acute stress...

I was born, raised in battles. When I found it hard to write my thesis under the present circumstances, my brother said to me: you were raised studying under a gas lamp, you can go through this one too.

Acute stress. This is what we are not allowed to feel in this part of the world, orelse death becomes heavy on our minds.
Death is light; death is easy in a game of cards and scrabble on the stair cases. Death is only two days spent in an underground waiting for the next cease fire, when we go out to the street and be children again, waiting for death again...

I saw israeli children today writing messages on the bombs that are going to fall on our children.
this is the school of love today; these are our common playgrounds, on one side and the other.

Are we some inferior race that could be exterminated. Is the time of inferior races not gone?
When civilian cars fleeing villages that the Isreali defense forces asked to be evacuated are bombed by Israeli planes, killing 21 children and women, how can we believe in what they call the right to defend themselves?

If they are only attacking Hizbollah fighters, did they detect a taint of jihad in these women and children’s hearts?
Did their detectors see something our bare and insane eyes cannot see anymore?

Today, another civilian bus was hit again. The third so far; I saw a woman crying on TV: my children she said, my children she said, my children she said.
I flipped channels and she was gone, with her sobbs and her words and her despair...and her children.

The south of Beirut looks like a living tomb.
Something unrecognizable; a few old ladies still live in it; like rats, they must hide and feed on dead bodies, for the smell of death is all that remains.
A whole civilian crowded area is now a ghost city... apparently still hosting hizbollah.

Is it god they are looking for?

Still CNN claims the Israeli counterattack is being quite precise and they are only targeting Hizbollah hideouts.

Insanity is what it is; theirs or ours.

We are crying on our hills, for we don’t even have shelters to run to.

The whole world has fled, TV stations and phone radars have been bombed.

Yet, it takes us an audience to know we are not insane; to know we are still alive.

When noone is listening, hearing, caring , all we hear is the echo of our mad voices.
We do not exist anymore.

I am not a soul, I am not a tree, I am not a dream.
I am a liar, inventing an excuse for my insanity.

This war is a lie.
This war does not exist.
This war is only memory.

Bring me a leather couch.

This text does not exist.